10 Reasons Why Intelligent Men Fail With Women
That is an original Article from David DeAngelo back in the early 2000s.
I will refer to it as"The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for UNUSUALLY smart men to have quite lower levels of success with women and dating.
After considering this specific paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an wonderful quantity of time, I'd love to share my ideas about it with you.
I presume that in the event that you've read this far, then you see likely yourself as smarter than the average man.
You know that you're somewhat different than other guys.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw matters differently, and thought differently than others in college...
And you have probably realized that your smart mind gives you an advantage over others in several areas of life...
Your smart mind provides you a particular type of advantage which may be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart folks become used to being"right", because they generally ARE right.
And when you are RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations.
But regrettably, this smart head of yours may actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
By the way, I did state WORSE than useless.
It may actually be like having a hammer when you will need to tighten a bolt. If you apply the tool you have for the job, you're probably make the situation WORSE.
Naturally, it is hard for a wise man to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of these situations.
So relax, open your mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why intelligent guys fail with girls... and what to do about it.
And what do most smart guys do if they encounter a situation where they are WRONG?
They locate a new situation... one that matches their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they simply walk away... knowing it won't be long before they're straight again.
(OR they let the"problem scenario" ruin them... more on this later.)
There's no quick"I'm right" around the next corner to allow you to feel better.
It only takes"failing" with a few women in a row for a smart guy to observe the routine... and realize that something is not working.
Option? Think harder.
A clever guy just assumes that his logic must be good... so he just keeps thinking harder.
However, when no success comes, it truly begins
to become emotionally difficult.
Accepting that you are wrong is a very difficult thing to get a"smart man".
Accepting that you are not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is much more difficult.
Finally, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:
I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that on for a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
in summary, many smart men refuse to accept that a good, strong, viable response could come from somebody"dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an"obviously less intelligent person" before attempting it.
Allow me to ask you a question:
If you were going to be walking around Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of roughly 50... but who climbed up being chased by lions and all kinds of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?
It is a fascinating question.
Now, ideally you would love to have the guide who is not the smartest guy around... but who's escaped out of many, many dangerous situations with deadly creatures...
But now let me ask you:
If you'd like to understand how to be more successful with women and dating, do you take advice from a man who is not very smart, but who knows how to attract girls?
There's something about being clever that makes some guys unwilling to take input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who is not either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any SMART GUY is able to see the folly in this specific approach... once it is examined closely.
If you have been making this error, then you need to STOP IT.
Look around.
Learn from a few"dumb" guys... and allow them to teach you just how to get what you REALLY want.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND how many clever men I meet that simply don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.
It's as if they have logically concluded that social abilities are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would have to find out.
Actually, I think there are a lot of
smart guys running around this world who do not
even have"social skills" and"be a cool guy that people love" within their"MENTAL MODEL" of what it might possibly have to become successful with women and dating.
Social skills are just the... SKILLS.
They're not social INFORMATION.
They are not social THEORIES.
They are social SKILLS.
And you also don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
Great social skills are the foundation for good communication with other humans... and in case you don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They think of the reasons why what WON'T WORK when it comes to dating and women.
They really figure out why what they would like to do will probably fail...
They use their awesome creative imaginations to imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions... which ultimately stop them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
But in case you've thought something through and think of a fantastic reason why it might fail, it makes sense not to take action, right?
I mean, why do you want to do things which are going to fail?
It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking in regards to the REAL WORLD... and success with girls.
Because smart guys do not UNDERSTAND women, and they do not UNDERSTAND what it takes to achieve success with women, they're working with bad figures. They are wrong before they even start figuring!
With your mind to develop with the reasons why things will not work in this area of your own life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn to overcome this habit if you've got it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY"INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What exactly does a wise guy do if he runs into an issue... or he needs to figure out something?
He looks for INFORMATION to help him resolve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is obviously the answer.
Information is the buddy of a wise guy.
Obtained a strange virus on your computer? Just jump on the internet and search for how to remove it.
Do not know how to change the alternator on your car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page 147.
Do not understand the definition of a phrase? Open your dictionary.
MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with girls?
They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magical concept.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the"get more info" strategy really made things WORSE?
How would you even know it was making things worse?
Now, I really don't need to imply that learning more about the way to succeed with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But if you've got a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it probably is not going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!
You need to Check at the REAL issue... the Origin of the problem.
In regards to dating and women, there's an excellent chance that you have MORE than enough"data".
Smart men often use"more information" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this called"Creative Avoidance".
Nod silently in the event that you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something on your life.
Great, thank you.
Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.
So what do most smart guys do when they meet a girl?
EXACTLY!
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I am shaking my head right now...
Smart guys try to engage women in LOGICAL interactions and conversations because that is where THEY feel comfortable... not understanding they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!
When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you're basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says"I don't get it when it comes to girls" and placing it on your head.
Average"logical" conversations include speaking about work, family, faculty, and tasks... talking politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you begin talking to some woman and you say"OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they desire candy, nice guys... but they all date hot, egotistical bad boys?" (and then make fun of any response she gives) you are having an EMOTIONAL dialogue.
In case you don't know what I'm talking about, keep reading. You want more help than I believed.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.
If you are taking an examination, you can sit there and work out the answers.
When you've got a math problem, you can work on it until you have figured out it.
If you're trying to fix something, you can keep working on it till it's fixed.
Smart guys are utilized to having the ability to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their"good sides" in most scenarios.
Not so with women...
If you don't understand what to do in each step along the way, you are going to be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING"He doesn't get it" radar program.
Women have all types of subtle and innovative tests which they throw at men to separate the"get its" from the"do not get its".
And if you do not get it, then you're going to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.
But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW you were being analyzed... OR that you failed.
Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complicated EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION battles in the second... and especially the"women and dating" type.
However, before you can find out to deal with the evaluations, you have to first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you've got fundamental social abilities, and how to keep your cool at the present time.
REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING"NICE" THINGS IS THE"SMART WAY"
OK, allow me to ask you a trick question:
If I told you that you were likely to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose as a"smart" method of preparing:
1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of these so she'd be"wowed".
Two ) Learn about her favorite travel destination so that you might talk about it with her.
OK, time's up.
I already mentioned that this is a TRICK question.
But WHY?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favourite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so that she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart men think that they're being CLEVER if they do things like purchasing a girl her favorite flowers... and bringing them into the FIRST DATE.
Proper?
In their minds, they're thinking"I'm going to be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with all the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's likely to see them like me because of it".
Makes sense... good math, right?
Well the sole teensy-weensy error these"smart" guys make isn't realizing that it does not actually take a wise person to think like this!
In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a woman's ass.
And guess what?
And guess what else?
A smart guy, in his proud arrogance, will believe he is being such the charmer by using this"thoughtful" strategy...
...and the girl he's pursuing will interpret it as just another Wussy who is trying to MANIPULATE her. Another blow to intellect.
Have you ever met someone who'd really argue with you about something that they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they simply could not shut their"smart mouths"?
Throughout the last couple of years helping men improve their success with women, I see that this 1 pattern over and over again...
Smart guys don't like to be"beginners" in ANYTHING.
They don't enjoy the notion of screwing up... especially if others are watching.
They want to keep this"smart guy" picture of themselves... so they attempt to always be"The Expert" at whatever they do. I'm a newcomer at this... how do I do it? What if I do ? What next?" ... and instead of being completely OK with screwing up, making errors, and making a fool of themselves in front of other people so as to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking they're novices... so that they wind up finally FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It is OK to be a beginner.
MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS
A clever guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart men are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Entirely stopped.
And since many smart men aren't comfortable dealing with things they are bad at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.
Many men prefer to DIE in lonely isolation than admit that they don't understand how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, request help!
I understand what it's like.
But the truth is that any man can learn how to manage as well as MASTER his feelings (even panic )... if he takes the time and effort to understand how to do it.
If this is you, then do yourself a huge favor... take the time. Take the effort.
Do not worry about what anybody else thinks of you... it does not matter.
What matters is that you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.
...I feel the main reason why I'm so fascinated with"The Genius Failure Paradox" is since I have had to fight with each of these issues for a whole lot of years of my life.
Today, I'm not saying that I'm the smartest guy on the planet...
However, I don't believe mamma raised no fool.
Plus it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was so very good at figuring things out, I couldn't figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me you know what I am speaking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a couple years... attempting all kinds of mad"logical" things... I finally got the"bright" idea https://www.washingtonpost.com/newssearch/?query=seduction to start studying guys who were"naturally" good with girls.
Obviously I found out that you could be both NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the exact same time.
I also heard you are able to be wise and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully analyzing what the"naturals" failed with women... and learning how they"thought" about the subject, I started to realize that success with women was not entirely LOGICAL.
A lot of what I heard was quite tough for me to take... because my logical mind simply didn't want to purchase it.
One thing that I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and having the women then chase them in response.
Made no sense at all.
I watched guys tease beautiful girls and make jokes about them to their faces... then watched those women become"little women" in reaction... unable to keep their composure, and therefore not able to keep their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was studying until I personally figured out how to approach women in any circumstance... get any woman's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date some other kind of woman I wanted...
...and most importantly, GET RID of the"empty" feeling that I carried around my whole life because I did not know how to draw women.
And after I got this region of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this region of THEIR lives collectively.
The greatest result of all this time, effort, and energy is that my free Secret Society Letters.
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And I will talk to you soon.